Freeing the Female Orgasm

Women's capacity for orgasm is awesome. They can come over and over again, and still be ready for more! This capacity seems almost limitless. They can experience clitoral orgasms, g-spot orgasms, vaginal orgasms, ejaculatory orgasms, blended orgasms, and not only one but multiples of any of these! They've even been blessed with a body part, the clitoris, whose only purpose is sexual pleasure. This may all seem a bit unfair to men who typically reach a precipice, fall over the edge, roll over and go to sleep!

Why is it then that so many women are frustrated rather than satisfied? Why is it that for so many loving couples, the female orgasm remains an elusive dream; one in which she's perhaps become resigned to sex that's pleasurable but not truly satisfying, or even worse, faking it to salvage her partner's ego. If it is really bad perhaps she fakes orgasm just to get the sexual ordeal over with! Or he sadly wonders: What's wrong with me? Why can't I make her come despite stiff fingers and aching tongue? His sexual self-esteem is wounded, and he secretly feels less of a man believing he has failed her.

The first step on the path to freeing a woman's orgasm is for both men and women to understand that men do not give women orgasms. Women allow themselves to have orgasms. Despite popular belief, no matter how good a lover you may be, unless your partner can give herself up to the pleasures of her body, she won't have orgasms. This realization alone can open the door to women becoming orgasmic. It takes the pressure to "perform" off of men, and it frees women to take responsibility for their own sexual fulfillment.

This is very important. If your woman is blaming you, and you may also be blaming yourself for her not having orgasms, it is quite possible, even likely, that you are both looking in the wrong place to solve the problem. Mind you, an unskilled, selfish, or insensitive male lover can be a real problem, and at the very least is certainly a dull bore. And to say that a woman is responsible for her own sexual fulfillment does not mean you revert to a slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am approach to sex and let her fend for herself. After all, the more skilled and attentive a lover is the more pleasure he himself receives, and although you can't give her an orgasm you certainly can help her to have one, or even lots of them. So even though it's not entirely up to you, there is something you can do to help.

The biggest barrier to orgasm for women is mental distraction - thoughts that float into her mind, catching her in her head, and taking her away from what's going on in her body. As soon as she starts thinking, she is out of the moment and will lose touch with her senses and her pleasure. Some of these thoughts may trigger feelings of shame or guilt about experiencing sexual pleasure, for no matter how liberated our attitudes toward sex seem to have become, there yet exists the perception that "good" girls don't! Even today women are divided into categories of "virgin" or "whore". Those who engage lustily in the delights of the body are somehow morally questionable. You can help your delectable partner move beyond these pleasure stifling attitudes by letting her know how much you respect, admire and cherish her fully female sensual self. Tell her often, especially when you're making love, that it thoroughly turns you on to see her let loose the passionate side of her nature.

This is not always easy for men to do. They may have internalized an unconscious conditioning that leads them to accept the rather misogynist belief that women can't be good and pure, and also be fantastic lovers. If they believe this, they are placing themselves in a very unfortunate situation. This belief system inevitably leads to the man selecting one woman for a partner, spouse and mother, and a different partner for an affair or mistress. Adultery is about the only option left to a man who holds such a belief system. The resulting deceit and lying force a separation between the couple and the relationship ends soon enough, for example in breaking up or divorce. In this scenario, the man is at fault and the solution does lie with him. Only a change in his beliefs will solve this problem.

Sexual abuse is a horror and curse that is unbelievably common in our society. Women that have been sexually abused often have great difficulty in allowing themselves to trust their lover, let go into the sensual moment, and surrender to sexual ecstasy. If your lady is having difficulty experiencing orgasm; if you are a reasonably skilled lover; and if you have communicated to her that you honestly wish her to fully awaken as a sexual partner, then the problem could be some psychological damage from sexual abuse. Ask her about this with the greatest tenderness and caring that you are capable of. Be aware that many women actually blame themselves for their own sexual abuse, so this can be the touchiest of all possible subjects for discussion. If sexual abuse is an issue, it is advisable to encourage her to seek professional counseling or some other form of help.

Besides worrying about whether they are "bad" if they really enjoy and want sex "a lot", many women worry about enjoying sex the right way. They worry about how they look, smell and taste. They worry that the cellulite in their upper thighs or the slight bulge of tummy fat may quiver unattractively. They worry about being "clean down there". They worry about how long it takes to reach climax, how much time their man has to spend stroking, licking, and caressing to help them fly over the mountain. All of these thoughts take them out of lovemaking. To help her stay in the pleasures of her body tell her with words and sounds and looks that you adore her, you love to devour her with your tongue, you could keep on touching her forever, it's a delight to you to give her pleasure. And mean it, because if you haven't learned how to enjoy pleasuring your partner, pretty soon you won't have one!

Once she's able to relax into the joys of lovemaking and focus on the exquisite sensations her body can feel rather than listening to the demon distractors her mind can conjure up, a woman's path to orgasm is much clearer. With particular loving skills of your own you can assist her to break that path wide open.

Most men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, whether they're sexually aroused or not. This isn't usually the case with women. Think of the vagina as a "potential" opening, a magical door that will happily open wide to receive you, but only after you've called ahead to ensure your welcome. Be certain she's eager for your genital explorations by focusing loving attention on other parts of her body first - lots of kissing, neck nuzzling, tender strokes on back, shoulders and arms, then adoring caresses of her breasts. Only after you sense she's ready, through signs like rapid breathing, flushed skin, hardened nipples or enticing moans should you move to her vagina. Once your hand or mouth is at her sweet honey pot begin to explore it from the outside inward - outer lips, clitoris, inner lips, vaginal canal.

Generally women reach orgasm most easily through clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive to touch of all kinds. Often the head of the clitoris, the pointed tip, is too sensitive for much direct pressure, so focus your attention on the sides. Touch around the clitoris instead of right on it, at least until her level of excitement increases. The skin tissue of your fingers is not nearly as sensitive as the tissue around her clitoris. But the tissue of your mouth and tongue is an almost perfect match in sensitivity. Unless you are more highly skilled in using your fingers, it is a much safer way to start by using your mouth for oral stimulation of the clitoris. Experiment with different pressures, strokes and speeds. Ask her which ones she likes best. A good way to do this is to try two different touches, then ask her if she likes "a" or "b" better.

If she's willing, invite her to masturbate for you so you can learn exactly how she likes to be touched. Many women are shy to do this at first but with some gentle encouragement she may really show her wanton self. It can be a great turn-on for both of you. Many men are actually quite frightened by a woman who is fully sexually awakened. They may doubt their own ability as a man to keep up, or to be able to perform adequately. They may fear that if she is too much woman sexually for him, that she may go elsewhere and find what she wants. It may help you to overcome this fear if you remember that you are not responsible for giving your lady sexual satisfaction. She must do that for herself. But if this fear is very strong, you may seek counseling help to deal with it.

When you do find a particular stroke or caress that is really driving her wild, keep doing it and keep doing it and keep doing it. Don't change anything about it. Don't go faster, slower, softer, harder, or switch direction. Keep doing exactly the same thing until she lets you know she wants a change either through words or body movement. This holds true whether you're pleasuring her clitorally or vaginally with your fingers or your mouth. Keep going even if your hands or mouth get really tired!

It's a good idea to wait until she is very aroused before entering her vagina either with your fingers or your penis. Generally if she's not wet, she's not ready. It's as simple as that. If your lover doesn't have a lot of natural vaginal juices even when she is fully aroused be sure to use a good silicone or water-based lubricant. Nothing can be a quicker turn-off than rough, dry skin rubbing on soft vaginal tissues. Water-based or silicone lubricant is better because oil can clog the sensitive vaginal tissue.

The most sensitive part of a woman's vaginal canal is the first inch to two inches. It's here that most of the nerve endings are located, so when you first enter her concentrate most of your attention there. The elusive g-spot can usually be found in this general area, on the top of the vaginal wall, a couple of inches in. Imagine a glass lying on the floor. If you reach your first two fingers into the glass at the top, i.e., toward the ceiling rather than the bottom towards the floor, you should find it. It is difficult to reach the g-spot through intercourse, so you will find it much easier with you fingers than with your penis. There are also some interesting dildos and vibrators with just the right shape to reach the G-spot. Move your index finger or your first two fingers in a "come hither" motion (as if you were asking someone from across the room to come over to where you are) and gently stroke her. When you touch her g-spot you may notice a more bumpy or raised area of skin, but you may not. The best way to know you've found this highly intense love spot is by her reaction. Where you look is not quite as important as when you look. Unless she is excited through and through, perhaps from a clitoral orgasm beforehand, it can be difficult to find the g-spot.

Stimulation of the g-spot can produce extraordinarily intense orgasms. As a woman is approaching a g-spot orgasm she may feel she has to urinate. This may immediately cause her to tighten up, stop, and pull back from the edge of bliss. If she can stay relaxed and keep going through that "have-to-pee" sensation it will pass and move on into deep waves of sexual delight. The woman should urinate before intercourse begins, so she can be more confident that the feeling that she has to urinate is a misleading feeling and can be safely ignored.

For most women it is difficult to reach a climax through intercourse alone. This is because the sensitive clitoris isn't easily stimulated just by thrusting motions; the g-spot is difficult to reach with even a fully erect penis; and because often the male partner goes over the edge into ejaculatory orgasm before the woman has had enough action to bring her to the heights. If you touch her clitoris before and during intercourse, and if you've pleasured her vaginally by touching the g-spot with your fingers, the chances are much better that she will have a deep vaginal orgasm while your penis is inside her.

Learn the strokes that turn her on. Tell her how fabulous it is that she's sensual and sexual. Let her know you adore her body and love to touch and kiss it for hours. Help her forget about trying to make orgasm happen and focus instead on thoroughly enjoying every moment of lovemaking. If you awaken your multi-orgasmic woman you are going to like it!

Ways to Get Back on Your Feet and Into Your Ex's Life - Don't Let Disorientation Get You Down

When you're suddenly faced with the words "It's time to go our separate ways", a flurry of emotions will hit you, but in the end, depression-and those feelings related-will take hold of you as you start to feel alone and worthless. In order to make it through this hard time, you're going to need determination and resolve. The real question is how to become determined to move on when life feels scattered.
Life is going to be a little disorienting at first because you're so used to having your ex around you or at least communicating with you. This disorientation is natural because you cared about your ex. If you're not feeling this way, it's likely you were ready to move on anyway.
First off, it's perfectly fine that you're feeling the sad emotions that come with a break up. Just because you do feel them doesn't make you weak. Don't, however, allow these emotions to overcome you and your common sense. You can, however, use these emotions to push forward. If you're angry, start working out using that anger to stimulate your motivation to get back in shape especially if you want to get back your ex.
The first step to getting over your emotions is to cut off all communication with your ex that you can-no matter what. If you keep in touch, you're just going to be reminded daily that your ex is your ex and not your boyfriend/girlfriend. It's easier to get over this when you're not talking to your ex because you won't be tempted to do something (like hug, kiss, etc) that you were comfortable doing as a couple.
Remain socially and physically active and healthy-a trip to the supermarket dressed in sweats with a basket of different flavors of ice cream does not count as a social outing. You need to look presentable even when you don't feel like it (just imagine if your ex saw you picking up Rocky Road and Triple fudge chocolate swirl ice cream). You can start exercising to feel better about your physical self and you can continue going out with friends and family to help you feel better about your mental self.
Abstain from drugs and alcohol as a means to numb the pain. They're just not healthy and will, more often than not, cloud your judgment on how to deal with your ex especially if you want to get your ex back.