If you’re in doubt about the wisdom of Senate Bill 526, the School Violence Prevention Act — also known as the anti-bullying bill — and especially about the provisions in it enumerating the kinds of kids who’re most likely to be bullied (autistic, gay, perceived to be gay, and on and on) and therefore in need of school officials’ protections, I recommend reading the 700 words spoken last night by Rep. Darren Jackson, D-Wake.
Jackson was in the 59-57 House majority last night in favor of the bill, pushing it ever closer to final enactment.
(Update, 6/23: Because the losing side asked for it, a second House vote was needed to pass the bill. It was conducted today, following another lengthy debate marked this time by a series of failed Republican amendments, and the tally in favor was 58-57. The bill previously passed the Senate.)
Rep. Jackson’s statement –
Thank you, Mr. Speaker. I got a letter from a constituent that I’d like to read a little bit about tonight in this forum. She wrote, I am the mother of a son with autism. I truly cannot comprehend the reluctance of any legislator to pass this bill. Bullies do exist, and they make life miserable for those unable to defend themselves. In a civilized society, why do we allow this?
My son is bright but different. Eccentric some would say. Unfortunately, this difference can be the catalyst for teasing and taunting, sometimes in a subtle form, and sometimes in more flagrant acts involving an emotional and physical violation. I know all too well that children can be cruel. It’s up to the adults in their lives to teach them acceptance and tolerance. Students learn more than academics in school, and part of their education should include how to treat others with respect and dignity and look to peers for support, not how to dodge a fist.
We can begin the process of tolerance tonight by taking a stand against bullying for any reason. I know some of you in this chamber have been having these culture wars for many years. This bill is not about that. At least it shouldn’t be, and it’s not for me. Instead, it’s personal, and I apologize for that.
Friends, God didn’t make us all exactly alike. Sometimes these perceived differences lead to bullying. Maybe the victim is a girl in middle school who is larger than her male counterparts, and likes sports, and is called a tomboy – or worse. Maybe it’s a disabled child with autism who’s called freak, weirdo, or even much worse names and is physically assaulted at school. Maybe it’s your child, your grandchild, your neice or nephew.
Or maybe the victim is a 10-year old little boy who just finished the 5th grade. Maybe he’s real small for his age, the smallest in his class. Maybe he doesn’t like contact sports, but instead loves to dance and sing and perform in the school production. He’s a natural. Maybe he’s a fan of soft colors and likes to wear pink, like his dad. Maybe he’s blessed to have his mother’s good looks and beautiful skin and soft facial features. Maybe he likes to hang out with girls because he’s not rough enough for the boys.
Maybe because of all these things, he’s called sissy boy, gay, homo or even worse. Perhaps his father is absolutely terrified of what middle school and high school will have in store for such a wonderful little boy. Maybe his parents or his teachers tried to teach him not to act a certain way or to talk about certain interests in front of other boys because it just leads to more bullying. You might say that they encourage him to hide his true personality. And why? Shouldn’t he be free to be himself? He’s not hurting anyone. He should be free to be what God made him. He’s 10. He doesn’t know what he is.
This bill simply says that no child should be bullied even if they are perceived to be poor, or disabled or maybe different. This bill’s about protecting kids; at least, it is for me. If this bill prevents one suicide, or one school violence episode, then it’s a success. If this bill is passed, then it will be a step forward for protecting children – maybe even one close to you.
If you’re going to vote no against this bill, at least be honest with yourself about why you’re doing it.
I’m going to count my vote as yes. And when my daughter and I, who’s serving as [a House] page this week, go out to eat and go home tonight, I’m going to go see her little brother, who’ll be in bed asleep. I’m going to lean across that bed and kiss my 10-year old goodnight. And I’m going to know that I voted the right way, the way to protect him and other children like him. And if that costs me my seat in this chamber, then so be it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
CHARLYNE YI: I WANT TO KISS IT BAD
Tell us about your latest band, Old Lumps.
It’s scary! I feel like that’s one of the more serious bands I’ve been doing, just because we’ve been practicing, and it’s five of us… sorry, I’m out of breath! I’m running upstairs.
Do you work out often?
Lots of weights! Big ones! And now I’m going to pee with you on the phone, because I’m disgusting.
Wow! Okay… so, how would you describe the Old Lumps sound?
Pain! Emotional pain! I’m realizing that most of my songs sound the same now. I’m trying to define each song so they don’t sound like a mass of songs.
You’re also in Chandelier Teeth, and the Glass Beef, and Helen Hunt and the Twisters. How many bands are you in?
Ha ha, I think it’s only five, but the Helen Hunt thing is just random, whenever me and Kate [Micucci] happen to be free. We don’t practice really. They’re bands, but they’re not that serious. These are just like, ‘You want to play music? Okay, let’s do it!’ Helen Hunt and the Twisters haven’t performed in over a year. I think we’ve only performed four times.
Now that your movie career is taking off, do you think you could get Helen Hunt on stage to sing with you guys?
We have an idea that we would have, you know, one of those cardboard cutouts of her? And we thought it would be funny if that was our thing, and then one day when we were playing, she’d be hiding behind the cutout of her and she’d pop out!
You have a project called the Music Scientist, where you record demos at home, and fairly talented bands you hardly know record their own, more fleshed-out versions of those songs and post them on YouTube and whatnot. How did you get that project off the ground?
I don’t know! I wrote a lot of songs, but I don’t actually like singing. I was like, oh, this song would sound so much better if I was a man with a burly voice, or I wish I had more range, like an opera singer. I can’t hit any of these notes that I hear in my head. I can play them out on a piano, but never give the song justice. And so I wrote a song. And this band I listened to on MySpace, Twain, this guy had a really great voice. We didn’t even really know each other, but he had seen me perform, and I liked his music. And so I asked him, and he did it. And after I got one person to agree, I was like, ‘I’m going to ask everyone!’ It’s been pretty cool, to see what people come up with.
Shel Silverstein wrote ‘A Boy Named Sue’ and a bunch of other songs for Johnny Cash. Is there a really famous singer you’d want to write for?
Celine Dion! She has such a good range. I used to sincerely love her as a kid. She goes like ‘whooooooaaa’ a lot! I’d be funny to make her do that too much, where it’s overboard, and people are uncomfortable. I think it’d be really fun to make her sing something really sincere, but something really ridiculous coming out of her mouth. Maybe something really redundant, like ‘I LOOOOVE him! I LOOOOVE him!’ Like twenty times, singing the same thing! Besides that, I just want to hear her say really cheesy stuff, like complimenting a boy. ‘Your skin is so soft and silky, and I want to kiss it! I want to kiss it bad!’
You haven’t snagged Celene Dion yet, but you did have David Quackenbush and Warren Fitzgerald from the Vandals cover one of your songs. Did you know who they were when you got in contact?
No! But David came to a Glass Beef show, and I met him. I was like ‘Oh, I really like their music!’ And I just wrote him. ‘Hey, we’re doing this project, for fun. And there’s no money, and we just give away the song for free. If you have time and you’re into this idea—it shouldn’t feel like homework, it should feel like something you’re actually passionate about—then I want you to do a song.’ And he did it, hee hee! But no, I live in a bubble. I didn’t know who the Vandals were.
Do you identify with John Travolta’s character in The Boy in the Bubble?
I’ve never even heard of it, really.
That’s too bad! We’re all Scientologists at L.A. RECORD. If you had a child with undiagnosed autism who died, what kind of song would you write for his funeral?
I would burn his body, and then I would use it in my coffee and drink it, so we could be one. And I would play ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon, and I’d imagine that he was here with me.
When you were a child, what music did you listen to? What are your primal influences?
I listened to K-Earth 101 a lot! And Elvis. And Queen. But I don’t think I sound like any of that stuff at all. I wish that I could, but I think it’s impossible for me.
Do you get inspiration from other musical comedians, like Spike Jones and Eric Idle?
I didn’t even know Spike Jonze did music! That’s really funny, ha ha!
No, not the director guy! Spike Jones from the thirties. He did ‘Der Fuhrer’s Face.’
Oh, ha ha, I’m way off! I’ve never heard of Spike Jones! I like Loudon Wainwright III. His stuff is a mixture of sincere stuff and comedy, too! And someone else just introduced me to Jonathan Richman, which I think is the same thing. It hits you instantly, and it’s funny, but there’s this undertone of sadness in what he’s singing. I found that really interesting, because when I do music, I like to throw people off by doing something silly and then doing something serious. People are like, ‘Whoa, should I not laugh at this?’
There does seem to be tenderness at the heart of your tunes. You and Kate Micucci might be singing about a booger trying to find its way back to the nose, but it’s sad at the same time.
We did do a weird booger song! I think sometimes me and Kate hide a true song with comedy, because we’re embarrassed of talking about something. That was like a mix of, ‘Oh, let’s sing about this lonely person!’ And we were like, ‘What if it’s a lonely booger?’ And we start laughing, because we were kind of getting depressed about what we’re singing about! It’s sad, but it’s also kind of gross and stupid. It’s fun to not take music too seriously. I think music is a great way to do comedy and still do sincere stuff. And I think comedy can be really sincere, too. It’s fun mixing with that kind of stuff. I have been reading Harpo Speaks, a book that Harpo Marx wrote, and I find him the most interesting guy ever. I starting taking up harp because I was reading that book! Something I related to is that he liked to play music, and back in those days, it didn’t have to always be funny. Like Steve Martin would tap dance, and play banjo, and some of the stuff he was doing wasn’t necessarily hilarious. But I was like, ‘I love to watch this! It’s kind of funny, but I love this song!’
Steve Martin’s Wild and Crazy Guy was one of the funniest comedy albums ever, but the song ‘King Tut’ sucked ass. What’s the secret to making a funny song funny?
I have no idea! My songs I think are kind of funny, but I don’t even know if they are funny. I did this one song where I almost cry in the middle of the song, but I’m not really crying, but I try to trick people into thinking I am, and people start laughing! Nothing about the words is funny—it’s just about the way the song is delivered, and how uncomfortable it is to see someone almost break down in the middle of the song. I’m not sure if my songs are funny, and I don’t understand why people laugh at them! I have no idea.
Steve Martin would open for bands when he was getting his start, like the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and Earl Scruggs. Have you opened for any acts that L.A. RECORD readers might know?
I have. It’s really scary! I’ve opened for Akron/Family, and I’ve opened for Sasha Smith. One time I opened for Man Man, and my set was broken up into two chunks of fifteen minutes. So I opened at the very beginning, and a band played, and it was supposed to be me again, and then Man Man. And when the band went off, they were like, ‘And now, ladies and gentlemen, Man Man!’ And it was supposed to be me next! And my friend from Man Man, Honus, carried me out, and I was like ‘I don’t want to go! People are going to boo me! Last time I went up, there was like 30 people there. Right now there’s hundreds of people who don’t know who I am from the last performance!’ And I go up there, and people are like, ‘Go back to Jersey! Get off the stage!’ And there was this guy who was like ‘I’m going to fuck you up! I’m going to go up there on stage and fuck you up!’ Thank god he didn’t go up there, but they booed me so I couldn’t talk at all! It’s rough sometimes.
Have you ever considered getting revenge by getting a band to open for your stand-up act, and having the audience boo that band?
I’ve thought of other ways to mess with them, in a non-malicious way. I opened for the Akron/Family in New York at the same place, and I thought, ‘I’m at the same place—I’m going to get booed again!’ And I thought if they boo me, I’ll be like, ‘Uh, the Akron/Family didn’t show up today, and so they asked me to fill in for them, and I’ll have to play each instrument alone, but just pretend they’re all playing at the same time. So it might take awhile.’ And so I’d just go do guitar, then go do drums… That was my back-up plan. But I didn’t get booed. So that’s nice!
Who do you think works harder, musicians or comedians?
I think both equally work as hard, just in different ways. Most comedians don’t get paid for 95% of their gigs, if not more! I’ve only been paid like twice in my life. It’s kind of disgusting, the realization that oh, I perform comedy for free—I’m like a big nerd! I just do this out of a hobby! I really like performing, and don’t get paid really! The way the venues work, most musicians get paid for their gigs, even if it’s a couple bucks. They get a cut of the door and stuff usually. But with comedy, you get a reaction with the laughter, and know immediately how you’re doing. With music, at a bar, people will talk over your music, and that kind of shocks! But then there’s the energy of the room. You’re like, ‘I think this is going well, but I have no idea why!’
There’s a lot of press recently about the renaissance in L.A.’s music scene, and we also have a bumper crop of funny comedians nowadays. But those scenes don’t connect nearly enough. How can we bridge that gap?
It’s weird. A lot of musicians I’ve met want to be comedy writers and perform comedy, and a lot of comedians want to perform music. Like my friend Paul Rust, he wanted to be in a band and stuff, and somehow we got mixed into comedy. And my friend from Man Man, he studied script-writing and stuff.
You not only co-wrote the script for Paper Heart, but you co-wrote the score! How did that happen?
Me and Michael Cera had never scored anything, had been writing music just in general, and sending these songs to Nick, the director. And he was like, ‘Why don’t you guys score the movie?’ And we were like, ‘That sounds awesome. But we have no idea how to do that.’ And so through the whole process of filming the movie and editing, me and Michael had separately been writing songs, and we would place them into the editing thing and see how the song would change the scene. And from that we ended up with this guy named Alden Penner from the Unicorns. I had never heard of them, but Michael was a really big fan of them, and sent me a CD of his solo stuff, which is music that Alden had just written in his bedroom. And I was really into that stuff, and so we contacted him and told him what we were doing, and showed him clips. And he was into producing it, and he had never produced a movie score either! So we were all new to this idea, and he flew up from Canada, and we all kind of experimented with the songs and tried to get them in different variations. It was fun!
You seem to have incurred the wrath of thousands of female Michael Cera fans by having a relationship with him.
It’s so strange! I have crushes on characters in movies, but I wouldn’t understand actually hating someone because of that. I don’t think that hate is true, because you can’t hate someone unless you actually know them. These people are crazy! How can you not like someone based on some weird form of jealousy that doesn’t even make sense? And me and Michael aren’t dating, actually, which is stranger. I’ve had people come up to me after shows who are like ‘Oh my gawd! That’s that girl that’s dating Michael!’ And one of them will come up to me and be like, ‘How old are yeeew?’ And I’ll lie to them and say I’m really old, and they’ll be like, ‘Ew, that’s so gross!’ Ha ha, okay!?! And how can they know and like someone if they don’t actually know them, if they only ever see glimpses of characters, or interviews. I’ve gotten weird hate mail regarding Michael. And I wrote them like, ‘Hey, we’re not even dating! I don’t know why you hate me; if it’s because of Michael, we’re not dating, so I guess you don’t hate me anymore?’ And they’ll just write, ‘Fuck you, you fucking bitch!’ I don’t take it personally. They don’t really know me.
You and Michael aren’t dating anymore?
No! How did you know that we were dating, if we were dating? People will say a lot of things! People said that I’m 33, and that was like a big issue, because people were like, ‘Why would a 33-year-old not believe in love in this documentary?’ It’s not even like a true documentary! There’s a lot of misconceptions about who I am and how old I am and who I’m dating. Two people came up to me and said, ‘Oh, where’s your husband?’ I don’t have a husband!
It sucks that people are judging you based on characters you portray! I mean, your breakout role was a stoner in Knocked Up, which isn’t you at all.
I enjoy acting, but I think it’s hard for people to cast me in things, because I don’t really fit a lot of things, and I don’t have much range. I’m not really a great actor. And after that movie, a lot of people wanted me to play a stoner, too. I didn’t know how I played a stoner! I think I did a really bad job, actually. I think I was just tired that day, and I sound like I’m stoned when I’m tired, and I was laughing at nothing! And I’ve never actually even been high.
Paul Reubens had to create a whole stage show for his Pee Wee Herman character before he could evolve past doing little roles in Cheech and Chong films and make his own mark. Do you think Paper Heart is a good way for you to present your best self to the public?
I think our movie has a lot of things I do in normal stage performances. I like mixing reality with fiction—whenever I bring an audience member up and make them do a half-hour show with me, that’s like them playing with me and taking them for this ride. It isn’t real, but it is real, because it’s a real person and they’re really interacting with me. In Paper Heart, I tried to play myself as much as possible, since I am playing a character named Charlyne Yi, and I am interviewing real people. But sometimes I am weird and I don’t come off natural, even when I am being myself. I think this is a good representation of me trying to be myself, ha ha! I don’t know if I always want to be myself in other roles, but I don’t know if I have a choice, because I don’t have range. I wish I had more range. That’d be awesome!
It’s scary! I feel like that’s one of the more serious bands I’ve been doing, just because we’ve been practicing, and it’s five of us… sorry, I’m out of breath! I’m running upstairs.
Do you work out often?
Lots of weights! Big ones! And now I’m going to pee with you on the phone, because I’m disgusting.
Wow! Okay… so, how would you describe the Old Lumps sound?
Pain! Emotional pain! I’m realizing that most of my songs sound the same now. I’m trying to define each song so they don’t sound like a mass of songs.
You’re also in Chandelier Teeth, and the Glass Beef, and Helen Hunt and the Twisters. How many bands are you in?
Ha ha, I think it’s only five, but the Helen Hunt thing is just random, whenever me and Kate [Micucci] happen to be free. We don’t practice really. They’re bands, but they’re not that serious. These are just like, ‘You want to play music? Okay, let’s do it!’ Helen Hunt and the Twisters haven’t performed in over a year. I think we’ve only performed four times.
Now that your movie career is taking off, do you think you could get Helen Hunt on stage to sing with you guys?
We have an idea that we would have, you know, one of those cardboard cutouts of her? And we thought it would be funny if that was our thing, and then one day when we were playing, she’d be hiding behind the cutout of her and she’d pop out!
You have a project called the Music Scientist, where you record demos at home, and fairly talented bands you hardly know record their own, more fleshed-out versions of those songs and post them on YouTube and whatnot. How did you get that project off the ground?
I don’t know! I wrote a lot of songs, but I don’t actually like singing. I was like, oh, this song would sound so much better if I was a man with a burly voice, or I wish I had more range, like an opera singer. I can’t hit any of these notes that I hear in my head. I can play them out on a piano, but never give the song justice. And so I wrote a song. And this band I listened to on MySpace, Twain, this guy had a really great voice. We didn’t even really know each other, but he had seen me perform, and I liked his music. And so I asked him, and he did it. And after I got one person to agree, I was like, ‘I’m going to ask everyone!’ It’s been pretty cool, to see what people come up with.
Shel Silverstein wrote ‘A Boy Named Sue’ and a bunch of other songs for Johnny Cash. Is there a really famous singer you’d want to write for?
Celine Dion! She has such a good range. I used to sincerely love her as a kid. She goes like ‘whooooooaaa’ a lot! I’d be funny to make her do that too much, where it’s overboard, and people are uncomfortable. I think it’d be really fun to make her sing something really sincere, but something really ridiculous coming out of her mouth. Maybe something really redundant, like ‘I LOOOOVE him! I LOOOOVE him!’ Like twenty times, singing the same thing! Besides that, I just want to hear her say really cheesy stuff, like complimenting a boy. ‘Your skin is so soft and silky, and I want to kiss it! I want to kiss it bad!’
You haven’t snagged Celene Dion yet, but you did have David Quackenbush and Warren Fitzgerald from the Vandals cover one of your songs. Did you know who they were when you got in contact?
No! But David came to a Glass Beef show, and I met him. I was like ‘Oh, I really like their music!’ And I just wrote him. ‘Hey, we’re doing this project, for fun. And there’s no money, and we just give away the song for free. If you have time and you’re into this idea—it shouldn’t feel like homework, it should feel like something you’re actually passionate about—then I want you to do a song.’ And he did it, hee hee! But no, I live in a bubble. I didn’t know who the Vandals were.
Do you identify with John Travolta’s character in The Boy in the Bubble?
I’ve never even heard of it, really.
That’s too bad! We’re all Scientologists at L.A. RECORD. If you had a child with undiagnosed autism who died, what kind of song would you write for his funeral?
I would burn his body, and then I would use it in my coffee and drink it, so we could be one. And I would play ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon, and I’d imagine that he was here with me.
When you were a child, what music did you listen to? What are your primal influences?
I listened to K-Earth 101 a lot! And Elvis. And Queen. But I don’t think I sound like any of that stuff at all. I wish that I could, but I think it’s impossible for me.
Do you get inspiration from other musical comedians, like Spike Jones and Eric Idle?
I didn’t even know Spike Jonze did music! That’s really funny, ha ha!
No, not the director guy! Spike Jones from the thirties. He did ‘Der Fuhrer’s Face.’
Oh, ha ha, I’m way off! I’ve never heard of Spike Jones! I like Loudon Wainwright III. His stuff is a mixture of sincere stuff and comedy, too! And someone else just introduced me to Jonathan Richman, which I think is the same thing. It hits you instantly, and it’s funny, but there’s this undertone of sadness in what he’s singing. I found that really interesting, because when I do music, I like to throw people off by doing something silly and then doing something serious. People are like, ‘Whoa, should I not laugh at this?’
There does seem to be tenderness at the heart of your tunes. You and Kate Micucci might be singing about a booger trying to find its way back to the nose, but it’s sad at the same time.
We did do a weird booger song! I think sometimes me and Kate hide a true song with comedy, because we’re embarrassed of talking about something. That was like a mix of, ‘Oh, let’s sing about this lonely person!’ And we were like, ‘What if it’s a lonely booger?’ And we start laughing, because we were kind of getting depressed about what we’re singing about! It’s sad, but it’s also kind of gross and stupid. It’s fun to not take music too seriously. I think music is a great way to do comedy and still do sincere stuff. And I think comedy can be really sincere, too. It’s fun mixing with that kind of stuff. I have been reading Harpo Speaks, a book that Harpo Marx wrote, and I find him the most interesting guy ever. I starting taking up harp because I was reading that book! Something I related to is that he liked to play music, and back in those days, it didn’t have to always be funny. Like Steve Martin would tap dance, and play banjo, and some of the stuff he was doing wasn’t necessarily hilarious. But I was like, ‘I love to watch this! It’s kind of funny, but I love this song!’
Steve Martin’s Wild and Crazy Guy was one of the funniest comedy albums ever, but the song ‘King Tut’ sucked ass. What’s the secret to making a funny song funny?
I have no idea! My songs I think are kind of funny, but I don’t even know if they are funny. I did this one song where I almost cry in the middle of the song, but I’m not really crying, but I try to trick people into thinking I am, and people start laughing! Nothing about the words is funny—it’s just about the way the song is delivered, and how uncomfortable it is to see someone almost break down in the middle of the song. I’m not sure if my songs are funny, and I don’t understand why people laugh at them! I have no idea.
Steve Martin would open for bands when he was getting his start, like the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and Earl Scruggs. Have you opened for any acts that L.A. RECORD readers might know?
I have. It’s really scary! I’ve opened for Akron/Family, and I’ve opened for Sasha Smith. One time I opened for Man Man, and my set was broken up into two chunks of fifteen minutes. So I opened at the very beginning, and a band played, and it was supposed to be me again, and then Man Man. And when the band went off, they were like, ‘And now, ladies and gentlemen, Man Man!’ And it was supposed to be me next! And my friend from Man Man, Honus, carried me out, and I was like ‘I don’t want to go! People are going to boo me! Last time I went up, there was like 30 people there. Right now there’s hundreds of people who don’t know who I am from the last performance!’ And I go up there, and people are like, ‘Go back to Jersey! Get off the stage!’ And there was this guy who was like ‘I’m going to fuck you up! I’m going to go up there on stage and fuck you up!’ Thank god he didn’t go up there, but they booed me so I couldn’t talk at all! It’s rough sometimes.
Have you ever considered getting revenge by getting a band to open for your stand-up act, and having the audience boo that band?
I’ve thought of other ways to mess with them, in a non-malicious way. I opened for the Akron/Family in New York at the same place, and I thought, ‘I’m at the same place—I’m going to get booed again!’ And I thought if they boo me, I’ll be like, ‘Uh, the Akron/Family didn’t show up today, and so they asked me to fill in for them, and I’ll have to play each instrument alone, but just pretend they’re all playing at the same time. So it might take awhile.’ And so I’d just go do guitar, then go do drums… That was my back-up plan. But I didn’t get booed. So that’s nice!
Who do you think works harder, musicians or comedians?
I think both equally work as hard, just in different ways. Most comedians don’t get paid for 95% of their gigs, if not more! I’ve only been paid like twice in my life. It’s kind of disgusting, the realization that oh, I perform comedy for free—I’m like a big nerd! I just do this out of a hobby! I really like performing, and don’t get paid really! The way the venues work, most musicians get paid for their gigs, even if it’s a couple bucks. They get a cut of the door and stuff usually. But with comedy, you get a reaction with the laughter, and know immediately how you’re doing. With music, at a bar, people will talk over your music, and that kind of shocks! But then there’s the energy of the room. You’re like, ‘I think this is going well, but I have no idea why!’
There’s a lot of press recently about the renaissance in L.A.’s music scene, and we also have a bumper crop of funny comedians nowadays. But those scenes don’t connect nearly enough. How can we bridge that gap?
It’s weird. A lot of musicians I’ve met want to be comedy writers and perform comedy, and a lot of comedians want to perform music. Like my friend Paul Rust, he wanted to be in a band and stuff, and somehow we got mixed into comedy. And my friend from Man Man, he studied script-writing and stuff.
You not only co-wrote the script for Paper Heart, but you co-wrote the score! How did that happen?
Me and Michael Cera had never scored anything, had been writing music just in general, and sending these songs to Nick, the director. And he was like, ‘Why don’t you guys score the movie?’ And we were like, ‘That sounds awesome. But we have no idea how to do that.’ And so through the whole process of filming the movie and editing, me and Michael had separately been writing songs, and we would place them into the editing thing and see how the song would change the scene. And from that we ended up with this guy named Alden Penner from the Unicorns. I had never heard of them, but Michael was a really big fan of them, and sent me a CD of his solo stuff, which is music that Alden had just written in his bedroom. And I was really into that stuff, and so we contacted him and told him what we were doing, and showed him clips. And he was into producing it, and he had never produced a movie score either! So we were all new to this idea, and he flew up from Canada, and we all kind of experimented with the songs and tried to get them in different variations. It was fun!
You seem to have incurred the wrath of thousands of female Michael Cera fans by having a relationship with him.
It’s so strange! I have crushes on characters in movies, but I wouldn’t understand actually hating someone because of that. I don’t think that hate is true, because you can’t hate someone unless you actually know them. These people are crazy! How can you not like someone based on some weird form of jealousy that doesn’t even make sense? And me and Michael aren’t dating, actually, which is stranger. I’ve had people come up to me after shows who are like ‘Oh my gawd! That’s that girl that’s dating Michael!’ And one of them will come up to me and be like, ‘How old are yeeew?’ And I’ll lie to them and say I’m really old, and they’ll be like, ‘Ew, that’s so gross!’ Ha ha, okay!?! And how can they know and like someone if they don’t actually know them, if they only ever see glimpses of characters, or interviews. I’ve gotten weird hate mail regarding Michael. And I wrote them like, ‘Hey, we’re not even dating! I don’t know why you hate me; if it’s because of Michael, we’re not dating, so I guess you don’t hate me anymore?’ And they’ll just write, ‘Fuck you, you fucking bitch!’ I don’t take it personally. They don’t really know me.
You and Michael aren’t dating anymore?
No! How did you know that we were dating, if we were dating? People will say a lot of things! People said that I’m 33, and that was like a big issue, because people were like, ‘Why would a 33-year-old not believe in love in this documentary?’ It’s not even like a true documentary! There’s a lot of misconceptions about who I am and how old I am and who I’m dating. Two people came up to me and said, ‘Oh, where’s your husband?’ I don’t have a husband!
It sucks that people are judging you based on characters you portray! I mean, your breakout role was a stoner in Knocked Up, which isn’t you at all.
I enjoy acting, but I think it’s hard for people to cast me in things, because I don’t really fit a lot of things, and I don’t have much range. I’m not really a great actor. And after that movie, a lot of people wanted me to play a stoner, too. I didn’t know how I played a stoner! I think I did a really bad job, actually. I think I was just tired that day, and I sound like I’m stoned when I’m tired, and I was laughing at nothing! And I’ve never actually even been high.
Paul Reubens had to create a whole stage show for his Pee Wee Herman character before he could evolve past doing little roles in Cheech and Chong films and make his own mark. Do you think Paper Heart is a good way for you to present your best self to the public?
I think our movie has a lot of things I do in normal stage performances. I like mixing reality with fiction—whenever I bring an audience member up and make them do a half-hour show with me, that’s like them playing with me and taking them for this ride. It isn’t real, but it is real, because it’s a real person and they’re really interacting with me. In Paper Heart, I tried to play myself as much as possible, since I am playing a character named Charlyne Yi, and I am interviewing real people. But sometimes I am weird and I don’t come off natural, even when I am being myself. I think this is a good representation of me trying to be myself, ha ha! I don’t know if I always want to be myself in other roles, but I don’t know if I have a choice, because I don’t have range. I wish I had more range. That’d be awesome!
Stimulating Her Senses - How To Turn A Woman On
How do you best stimulate these other four senses in a way that will turn her on? Now that’s a GREAT question.
1. Touch her very very gently and slowly. Use the very tips of your fingers. Run them over her arms, neck, shoulders, lips, hands, legs, feet... everywhere. If you avoid her breasts, crotch, and ass, you’ll even get her more turned on for later (Remember anticipation? It will drive her crazy... “When is he going to touch my tits?”).
2. Kiss her sensually. Let the first kiss be very light... almost a brush. Then wait (anticipation). Kiss her 100 times on the neck and shoulders. Suck on her lips gently. Lick her just a tad on the neck, shoulders, and lips. Think eating an ice-cream cone, then tone it back a bit. Like you’re tasting her a little each time.
3. Feed her little bits of things that are sexy. Try strawberries,chocolate, champagne. Also, go out and get yourself some of that ‘Kama Sutra Oil’ at the adult store. The flavored kind not only tastes good, it HEATS UP if you put it on and breathe on it. Nice.
4. Smell her. Smell her neck and shoulders for about 5-10 minutes STRAIGHT. No kissing. No licking. Just smelling for 5-10 minutes. Gently run your nose and lips over her shoulders and neck smelling her. Say “Mmmmm... you smell good. I’m just going to smell you for awhile.” You’re going to love how she reacts to this.
1. Touch her very very gently and slowly. Use the very tips of your fingers. Run them over her arms, neck, shoulders, lips, hands, legs, feet... everywhere. If you avoid her breasts, crotch, and ass, you’ll even get her more turned on for later (Remember anticipation? It will drive her crazy... “When is he going to touch my tits?”).
2. Kiss her sensually. Let the first kiss be very light... almost a brush. Then wait (anticipation). Kiss her 100 times on the neck and shoulders. Suck on her lips gently. Lick her just a tad on the neck, shoulders, and lips. Think eating an ice-cream cone, then tone it back a bit. Like you’re tasting her a little each time.
3. Feed her little bits of things that are sexy. Try strawberries,chocolate, champagne. Also, go out and get yourself some of that ‘Kama Sutra Oil’ at the adult store. The flavored kind not only tastes good, it HEATS UP if you put it on and breathe on it. Nice.
4. Smell her. Smell her neck and shoulders for about 5-10 minutes STRAIGHT. No kissing. No licking. Just smelling for 5-10 minutes. Gently run your nose and lips over her shoulders and neck smelling her. Say “Mmmmm... you smell good. I’m just going to smell you for awhile.” You’re going to love how she reacts to this.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Freeing the Female Orgasm
Women's capacity for orgasm is awesome. They can come over and over again, and still be ready for more! This capacity seems almost limitless. They can experience clitoral orgasms, g-spot orgasms, vaginal orgasms, ejaculatory orgasms, blended orgasms, and not only one but multiples of any of these! They've even been blessed with a body part, the clitoris, whose only purpose is sexual pleasure. This may all seem a bit unfair to men who typically reach a precipice, fall over the edge, roll over and go to sleep!
Why is it then that so many women are frustrated rather than satisfied? Why is it that for so many loving couples, the female orgasm remains an elusive dream; one in which she's perhaps become resigned to sex that's pleasurable but not truly satisfying, or even worse, faking it to salvage her partner's ego. If it is really bad perhaps she fakes orgasm just to get the sexual ordeal over with! Or he sadly wonders: What's wrong with me? Why can't I make her come despite stiff fingers and aching tongue? His sexual self-esteem is wounded, and he secretly feels less of a man believing he has failed her.
The first step on the path to freeing a woman's orgasm is for both men and women to understand that men do not give women orgasms. Women allow themselves to have orgasms. Despite popular belief, no matter how good a lover you may be, unless your partner can give herself up to the pleasures of her body, she won't have orgasms. This realization alone can open the door to women becoming orgasmic. It takes the pressure to "perform" off of men, and it frees women to take responsibility for their own sexual fulfillment.
This is very important. If your woman is blaming you, and you may also be blaming yourself for her not having orgasms, it is quite possible, even likely, that you are both looking in the wrong place to solve the problem. Mind you, an unskilled, selfish, or insensitive male lover can be a real problem, and at the very least is certainly a dull bore. And to say that a woman is responsible for her own sexual fulfillment does not mean you revert to a slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am approach to sex and let her fend for herself. After all, the more skilled and attentive a lover is the more pleasure he himself receives, and although you can't give her an orgasm you certainly can help her to have one, or even lots of them. So even though it's not entirely up to you, there is something you can do to help.
The biggest barrier to orgasm for women is mental distraction - thoughts that float into her mind, catching her in her head, and taking her away from what's going on in her body. As soon as she starts thinking, she is out of the moment and will lose touch with her senses and her pleasure. Some of these thoughts may trigger feelings of shame or guilt about experiencing sexual pleasure, for no matter how liberated our attitudes toward sex seem to have become, there yet exists the perception that "good" girls don't! Even today women are divided into categories of "virgin" or "whore". Those who engage lustily in the delights of the body are somehow morally questionable. You can help your delectable partner move beyond these pleasure stifling attitudes by letting her know how much you respect, admire and cherish her fully female sensual self. Tell her often, especially when you're making love, that it thoroughly turns you on to see her let loose the passionate side of her nature.
This is not always easy for men to do. They may have internalized an unconscious conditioning that leads them to accept the rather misogynist belief that women can't be good and pure, and also be fantastic lovers. If they believe this, they are placing themselves in a very unfortunate situation. This belief system inevitably leads to the man selecting one woman for a partner, spouse and mother, and a different partner for an affair or mistress. Adultery is about the only option left to a man who holds such a belief system. The resulting deceit and lying force a separation between the couple and the relationship ends soon enough, for example in breaking up or divorce. In this scenario, the man is at fault and the solution does lie with him. Only a change in his beliefs will solve this problem.
Sexual abuse is a horror and curse that is unbelievably common in our society. Women that have been sexually abused often have great difficulty in allowing themselves to trust their lover, let go into the sensual moment, and surrender to sexual ecstasy. If your lady is having difficulty experiencing orgasm; if you are a reasonably skilled lover; and if you have communicated to her that you honestly wish her to fully awaken as a sexual partner, then the problem could be some psychological damage from sexual abuse. Ask her about this with the greatest tenderness and caring that you are capable of. Be aware that many women actually blame themselves for their own sexual abuse, so this can be the touchiest of all possible subjects for discussion. If sexual abuse is an issue, it is advisable to encourage her to seek professional counseling or some other form of help.
Besides worrying about whether they are "bad" if they really enjoy and want sex "a lot", many women worry about enjoying sex the right way. They worry about how they look, smell and taste. They worry that the cellulite in their upper thighs or the slight bulge of tummy fat may quiver unattractively. They worry about being "clean down there". They worry about how long it takes to reach climax, how much time their man has to spend stroking, licking, and caressing to help them fly over the mountain. All of these thoughts take them out of lovemaking. To help her stay in the pleasures of her body tell her with words and sounds and looks that you adore her, you love to devour her with your tongue, you could keep on touching her forever, it's a delight to you to give her pleasure. And mean it, because if you haven't learned how to enjoy pleasuring your partner, pretty soon you won't have one!
Once she's able to relax into the joys of lovemaking and focus on the exquisite sensations her body can feel rather than listening to the demon distractors her mind can conjure up, a woman's path to orgasm is much clearer. With particular loving skills of your own you can assist her to break that path wide open.
Most men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, whether they're sexually aroused or not. This isn't usually the case with women. Think of the vagina as a "potential" opening, a magical door that will happily open wide to receive you, but only after you've called ahead to ensure your welcome. Be certain she's eager for your genital explorations by focusing loving attention on other parts of her body first - lots of kissing, neck nuzzling, tender strokes on back, shoulders and arms, then adoring caresses of her breasts. Only after you sense she's ready, through signs like rapid breathing, flushed skin, hardened nipples or enticing moans should you move to her vagina. Once your hand or mouth is at her sweet honey pot begin to explore it from the outside inward - outer lips, clitoris, inner lips, vaginal canal.
Generally women reach orgasm most easily through clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive to touch of all kinds. Often the head of the clitoris, the pointed tip, is too sensitive for much direct pressure, so focus your attention on the sides. Touch around the clitoris instead of right on it, at least until her level of excitement increases. The skin tissue of your fingers is not nearly as sensitive as the tissue around her clitoris. But the tissue of your mouth and tongue is an almost perfect match in sensitivity. Unless you are more highly skilled in using your fingers, it is a much safer way to start by using your mouth for oral stimulation of the clitoris. Experiment with different pressures, strokes and speeds. Ask her which ones she likes best. A good way to do this is to try two different touches, then ask her if she likes "a" or "b" better.
If she's willing, invite her to masturbate for you so you can learn exactly how she likes to be touched. Many women are shy to do this at first but with some gentle encouragement she may really show her wanton self. It can be a great turn-on for both of you. Many men are actually quite frightened by a woman who is fully sexually awakened. They may doubt their own ability as a man to keep up, or to be able to perform adequately. They may fear that if she is too much woman sexually for him, that she may go elsewhere and find what she wants. It may help you to overcome this fear if you remember that you are not responsible for giving your lady sexual satisfaction. She must do that for herself. But if this fear is very strong, you may seek counseling help to deal with it.
When you do find a particular stroke or caress that is really driving her wild, keep doing it and keep doing it and keep doing it. Don't change anything about it. Don't go faster, slower, softer, harder, or switch direction. Keep doing exactly the same thing until she lets you know she wants a change either through words or body movement. This holds true whether you're pleasuring her clitorally or vaginally with your fingers or your mouth. Keep going even if your hands or mouth get really tired!
It's a good idea to wait until she is very aroused before entering her vagina either with your fingers or your penis. Generally if she's not wet, she's not ready. It's as simple as that. If your lover doesn't have a lot of natural vaginal juices even when she is fully aroused be sure to use a good silicone or water-based lubricant. Nothing can be a quicker turn-off than rough, dry skin rubbing on soft vaginal tissues. Water-based or silicone lubricant is better because oil can clog the sensitive vaginal tissue.
The most sensitive part of a woman's vaginal canal is the first inch to two inches. It's here that most of the nerve endings are located, so when you first enter her concentrate most of your attention there. The elusive g-spot can usually be found in this general area, on the top of the vaginal wall, a couple of inches in. Imagine a glass lying on the floor. If you reach your first two fingers into the glass at the top, i.e., toward the ceiling rather than the bottom towards the floor, you should find it. It is difficult to reach the g-spot through intercourse, so you will find it much easier with you fingers than with your penis. There are also some interesting dildos and vibrators with just the right shape to reach the G-spot. Move your index finger or your first two fingers in a "come hither" motion (as if you were asking someone from across the room to come over to where you are) and gently stroke her. When you touch her g-spot you may notice a more bumpy or raised area of skin, but you may not. The best way to know you've found this highly intense love spot is by her reaction. Where you look is not quite as important as when you look. Unless she is excited through and through, perhaps from a clitoral orgasm beforehand, it can be difficult to find the g-spot.
Stimulation of the g-spot can produce extraordinarily intense orgasms. As a woman is approaching a g-spot orgasm she may feel she has to urinate. This may immediately cause her to tighten up, stop, and pull back from the edge of bliss. If she can stay relaxed and keep going through that "have-to-pee" sensation it will pass and move on into deep waves of sexual delight. The woman should urinate before intercourse begins, so she can be more confident that the feeling that she has to urinate is a misleading feeling and can be safely ignored.
For most women it is difficult to reach a climax through intercourse alone. This is because the sensitive clitoris isn't easily stimulated just by thrusting motions; the g-spot is difficult to reach with even a fully erect penis; and because often the male partner goes over the edge into ejaculatory orgasm before the woman has had enough action to bring her to the heights. If you touch her clitoris before and during intercourse, and if you've pleasured her vaginally by touching the g-spot with your fingers, the chances are much better that she will have a deep vaginal orgasm while your penis is inside her.
Learn the strokes that turn her on. Tell her how fabulous it is that she's sensual and sexual. Let her know you adore her body and love to touch and kiss it for hours. Help her forget about trying to make orgasm happen and focus instead on thoroughly enjoying every moment of lovemaking. If you awaken your multi-orgasmic woman you are going to like it!
Why is it then that so many women are frustrated rather than satisfied? Why is it that for so many loving couples, the female orgasm remains an elusive dream; one in which she's perhaps become resigned to sex that's pleasurable but not truly satisfying, or even worse, faking it to salvage her partner's ego. If it is really bad perhaps she fakes orgasm just to get the sexual ordeal over with! Or he sadly wonders: What's wrong with me? Why can't I make her come despite stiff fingers and aching tongue? His sexual self-esteem is wounded, and he secretly feels less of a man believing he has failed her.
The first step on the path to freeing a woman's orgasm is for both men and women to understand that men do not give women orgasms. Women allow themselves to have orgasms. Despite popular belief, no matter how good a lover you may be, unless your partner can give herself up to the pleasures of her body, she won't have orgasms. This realization alone can open the door to women becoming orgasmic. It takes the pressure to "perform" off of men, and it frees women to take responsibility for their own sexual fulfillment.
This is very important. If your woman is blaming you, and you may also be blaming yourself for her not having orgasms, it is quite possible, even likely, that you are both looking in the wrong place to solve the problem. Mind you, an unskilled, selfish, or insensitive male lover can be a real problem, and at the very least is certainly a dull bore. And to say that a woman is responsible for her own sexual fulfillment does not mean you revert to a slam-bam-thank-you-ma'am approach to sex and let her fend for herself. After all, the more skilled and attentive a lover is the more pleasure he himself receives, and although you can't give her an orgasm you certainly can help her to have one, or even lots of them. So even though it's not entirely up to you, there is something you can do to help.
The biggest barrier to orgasm for women is mental distraction - thoughts that float into her mind, catching her in her head, and taking her away from what's going on in her body. As soon as she starts thinking, she is out of the moment and will lose touch with her senses and her pleasure. Some of these thoughts may trigger feelings of shame or guilt about experiencing sexual pleasure, for no matter how liberated our attitudes toward sex seem to have become, there yet exists the perception that "good" girls don't! Even today women are divided into categories of "virgin" or "whore". Those who engage lustily in the delights of the body are somehow morally questionable. You can help your delectable partner move beyond these pleasure stifling attitudes by letting her know how much you respect, admire and cherish her fully female sensual self. Tell her often, especially when you're making love, that it thoroughly turns you on to see her let loose the passionate side of her nature.
This is not always easy for men to do. They may have internalized an unconscious conditioning that leads them to accept the rather misogynist belief that women can't be good and pure, and also be fantastic lovers. If they believe this, they are placing themselves in a very unfortunate situation. This belief system inevitably leads to the man selecting one woman for a partner, spouse and mother, and a different partner for an affair or mistress. Adultery is about the only option left to a man who holds such a belief system. The resulting deceit and lying force a separation between the couple and the relationship ends soon enough, for example in breaking up or divorce. In this scenario, the man is at fault and the solution does lie with him. Only a change in his beliefs will solve this problem.
Sexual abuse is a horror and curse that is unbelievably common in our society. Women that have been sexually abused often have great difficulty in allowing themselves to trust their lover, let go into the sensual moment, and surrender to sexual ecstasy. If your lady is having difficulty experiencing orgasm; if you are a reasonably skilled lover; and if you have communicated to her that you honestly wish her to fully awaken as a sexual partner, then the problem could be some psychological damage from sexual abuse. Ask her about this with the greatest tenderness and caring that you are capable of. Be aware that many women actually blame themselves for their own sexual abuse, so this can be the touchiest of all possible subjects for discussion. If sexual abuse is an issue, it is advisable to encourage her to seek professional counseling or some other form of help.
Besides worrying about whether they are "bad" if they really enjoy and want sex "a lot", many women worry about enjoying sex the right way. They worry about how they look, smell and taste. They worry that the cellulite in their upper thighs or the slight bulge of tummy fat may quiver unattractively. They worry about being "clean down there". They worry about how long it takes to reach climax, how much time their man has to spend stroking, licking, and caressing to help them fly over the mountain. All of these thoughts take them out of lovemaking. To help her stay in the pleasures of her body tell her with words and sounds and looks that you adore her, you love to devour her with your tongue, you could keep on touching her forever, it's a delight to you to give her pleasure. And mean it, because if you haven't learned how to enjoy pleasuring your partner, pretty soon you won't have one!
Once she's able to relax into the joys of lovemaking and focus on the exquisite sensations her body can feel rather than listening to the demon distractors her mind can conjure up, a woman's path to orgasm is much clearer. With particular loving skills of your own you can assist her to break that path wide open.
Most men enjoy having their genitals touched at any time, whether they're sexually aroused or not. This isn't usually the case with women. Think of the vagina as a "potential" opening, a magical door that will happily open wide to receive you, but only after you've called ahead to ensure your welcome. Be certain she's eager for your genital explorations by focusing loving attention on other parts of her body first - lots of kissing, neck nuzzling, tender strokes on back, shoulders and arms, then adoring caresses of her breasts. Only after you sense she's ready, through signs like rapid breathing, flushed skin, hardened nipples or enticing moans should you move to her vagina. Once your hand or mouth is at her sweet honey pot begin to explore it from the outside inward - outer lips, clitoris, inner lips, vaginal canal.
Generally women reach orgasm most easily through clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is extremely sensitive to touch of all kinds. Often the head of the clitoris, the pointed tip, is too sensitive for much direct pressure, so focus your attention on the sides. Touch around the clitoris instead of right on it, at least until her level of excitement increases. The skin tissue of your fingers is not nearly as sensitive as the tissue around her clitoris. But the tissue of your mouth and tongue is an almost perfect match in sensitivity. Unless you are more highly skilled in using your fingers, it is a much safer way to start by using your mouth for oral stimulation of the clitoris. Experiment with different pressures, strokes and speeds. Ask her which ones she likes best. A good way to do this is to try two different touches, then ask her if she likes "a" or "b" better.
If she's willing, invite her to masturbate for you so you can learn exactly how she likes to be touched. Many women are shy to do this at first but with some gentle encouragement she may really show her wanton self. It can be a great turn-on for both of you. Many men are actually quite frightened by a woman who is fully sexually awakened. They may doubt their own ability as a man to keep up, or to be able to perform adequately. They may fear that if she is too much woman sexually for him, that she may go elsewhere and find what she wants. It may help you to overcome this fear if you remember that you are not responsible for giving your lady sexual satisfaction. She must do that for herself. But if this fear is very strong, you may seek counseling help to deal with it.
When you do find a particular stroke or caress that is really driving her wild, keep doing it and keep doing it and keep doing it. Don't change anything about it. Don't go faster, slower, softer, harder, or switch direction. Keep doing exactly the same thing until she lets you know she wants a change either through words or body movement. This holds true whether you're pleasuring her clitorally or vaginally with your fingers or your mouth. Keep going even if your hands or mouth get really tired!
It's a good idea to wait until she is very aroused before entering her vagina either with your fingers or your penis. Generally if she's not wet, she's not ready. It's as simple as that. If your lover doesn't have a lot of natural vaginal juices even when she is fully aroused be sure to use a good silicone or water-based lubricant. Nothing can be a quicker turn-off than rough, dry skin rubbing on soft vaginal tissues. Water-based or silicone lubricant is better because oil can clog the sensitive vaginal tissue.
The most sensitive part of a woman's vaginal canal is the first inch to two inches. It's here that most of the nerve endings are located, so when you first enter her concentrate most of your attention there. The elusive g-spot can usually be found in this general area, on the top of the vaginal wall, a couple of inches in. Imagine a glass lying on the floor. If you reach your first two fingers into the glass at the top, i.e., toward the ceiling rather than the bottom towards the floor, you should find it. It is difficult to reach the g-spot through intercourse, so you will find it much easier with you fingers than with your penis. There are also some interesting dildos and vibrators with just the right shape to reach the G-spot. Move your index finger or your first two fingers in a "come hither" motion (as if you were asking someone from across the room to come over to where you are) and gently stroke her. When you touch her g-spot you may notice a more bumpy or raised area of skin, but you may not. The best way to know you've found this highly intense love spot is by her reaction. Where you look is not quite as important as when you look. Unless she is excited through and through, perhaps from a clitoral orgasm beforehand, it can be difficult to find the g-spot.
Stimulation of the g-spot can produce extraordinarily intense orgasms. As a woman is approaching a g-spot orgasm she may feel she has to urinate. This may immediately cause her to tighten up, stop, and pull back from the edge of bliss. If she can stay relaxed and keep going through that "have-to-pee" sensation it will pass and move on into deep waves of sexual delight. The woman should urinate before intercourse begins, so she can be more confident that the feeling that she has to urinate is a misleading feeling and can be safely ignored.
For most women it is difficult to reach a climax through intercourse alone. This is because the sensitive clitoris isn't easily stimulated just by thrusting motions; the g-spot is difficult to reach with even a fully erect penis; and because often the male partner goes over the edge into ejaculatory orgasm before the woman has had enough action to bring her to the heights. If you touch her clitoris before and during intercourse, and if you've pleasured her vaginally by touching the g-spot with your fingers, the chances are much better that she will have a deep vaginal orgasm while your penis is inside her.
Learn the strokes that turn her on. Tell her how fabulous it is that she's sensual and sexual. Let her know you adore her body and love to touch and kiss it for hours. Help her forget about trying to make orgasm happen and focus instead on thoroughly enjoying every moment of lovemaking. If you awaken your multi-orgasmic woman you are going to like it!
Ways to Get Back on Your Feet and Into Your Ex's Life - Don't Let Disorientation Get You Down
When you're suddenly faced with the words "It's time to go our separate ways", a flurry of emotions will hit you, but in the end, depression-and those feelings related-will take hold of you as you start to feel alone and worthless. In order to make it through this hard time, you're going to need determination and resolve. The real question is how to become determined to move on when life feels scattered.
Life is going to be a little disorienting at first because you're so used to having your ex around you or at least communicating with you. This disorientation is natural because you cared about your ex. If you're not feeling this way, it's likely you were ready to move on anyway.
First off, it's perfectly fine that you're feeling the sad emotions that come with a break up. Just because you do feel them doesn't make you weak. Don't, however, allow these emotions to overcome you and your common sense. You can, however, use these emotions to push forward. If you're angry, start working out using that anger to stimulate your motivation to get back in shape especially if you want to get back your ex.
The first step to getting over your emotions is to cut off all communication with your ex that you can-no matter what. If you keep in touch, you're just going to be reminded daily that your ex is your ex and not your boyfriend/girlfriend. It's easier to get over this when you're not talking to your ex because you won't be tempted to do something (like hug, kiss, etc) that you were comfortable doing as a couple.
Remain socially and physically active and healthy-a trip to the supermarket dressed in sweats with a basket of different flavors of ice cream does not count as a social outing. You need to look presentable even when you don't feel like it (just imagine if your ex saw you picking up Rocky Road and Triple fudge chocolate swirl ice cream). You can start exercising to feel better about your physical self and you can continue going out with friends and family to help you feel better about your mental self.
Abstain from drugs and alcohol as a means to numb the pain. They're just not healthy and will, more often than not, cloud your judgment on how to deal with your ex especially if you want to get your ex back.
Life is going to be a little disorienting at first because you're so used to having your ex around you or at least communicating with you. This disorientation is natural because you cared about your ex. If you're not feeling this way, it's likely you were ready to move on anyway.
First off, it's perfectly fine that you're feeling the sad emotions that come with a break up. Just because you do feel them doesn't make you weak. Don't, however, allow these emotions to overcome you and your common sense. You can, however, use these emotions to push forward. If you're angry, start working out using that anger to stimulate your motivation to get back in shape especially if you want to get back your ex.
The first step to getting over your emotions is to cut off all communication with your ex that you can-no matter what. If you keep in touch, you're just going to be reminded daily that your ex is your ex and not your boyfriend/girlfriend. It's easier to get over this when you're not talking to your ex because you won't be tempted to do something (like hug, kiss, etc) that you were comfortable doing as a couple.
Remain socially and physically active and healthy-a trip to the supermarket dressed in sweats with a basket of different flavors of ice cream does not count as a social outing. You need to look presentable even when you don't feel like it (just imagine if your ex saw you picking up Rocky Road and Triple fudge chocolate swirl ice cream). You can start exercising to feel better about your physical self and you can continue going out with friends and family to help you feel better about your mental self.
Abstain from drugs and alcohol as a means to numb the pain. They're just not healthy and will, more often than not, cloud your judgment on how to deal with your ex especially if you want to get your ex back.
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